Morning Coffee: Horror as CEO dismisses bankers' most fervent beliefs. Werewolf hedge fund manager

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If you work in an investment bank, compensation is probably quite important to you. How about bonuses? Or job titles? - Or the notion that you deserve to get paid because you've worked extra hard? However dear you hold these things, John Cryan does not empathize.

During an interview with Bloomberg, the new Deutsche Bank CEO slayed every sacred banking cow imaginable. Firstly, Cryan said bankers are paid too much - they expect to be paid like entrepreneurs when they're receiving, 'a salary, a pension, a healthcare scheme' and are 'playing with other people's money.' Secondly, Cryan suggested too many people in banking have job titles above their station - some people are made managing directors (MDs) just because the job title opens doors for clients, but they don't have any real authority internally. Thirdly, Cryan suggested bonuses need to be deferred for even longer than they are already (Deutsche already defers MD bonuses for a full five years).

Worse, however, Cryan suggested that he personally is not motivated by performance related pay. "“I have no idea why I was offered a contract with a bonus in it because I promise you I will not work any harder or any less hard in any year, in any day because someone is going to pay me more or less.” To bankers raised on bonus culture, this is sacrilege.

Cryan's latest utterances are another sign that the culture at Deutsche Bank is in flux. Anshu Jain, Deutsche's former investment banking champion, had several years of enormous bonuses and never complained once. Jain was also known for being nattily dressed in Hugo Boss suits and Prada shoes, whereas Cryan wears suits made by an anonymous London tailor and carries an old leather satchel. 

Separately, what do you do if you're a hedge fund manager and investors are asking for their money back? How about intimating that you are a werewolf? This was one of several techniques reportedly endeavoured by New York hedge fund manager Malik Malik. It was not successful: Malik is currently being tried in the New York State Supreme Court for perpetrating an alleged scheme to steal investors' money.


Ross McEwan says RBS’s retail bankers gave “overwhelming support” for having their bonuses removed. He might keep his own though. (Evening Standard) 

Now that Credit Suisse has done away with profit targets and will be managing using ratios instead, it will have to pay differently. (Bloomberg)

Russian brokerage firm BCS Global Markets just hired former Knight Capital managing director Bradley Duke: “It’s exactly the right time for us to be investing in the US. People forget that the US is home to the biggest investors in Russia”. (Financial News) 

These banks just won places on the biggest M&A transaction of 2015. (Business Insider) 

The U.K. eavesdropping agency GCHQ is hiring over 350 people in the next year. (CNN) .

GCHQ has been trying to attract Shoreditch hipsters with street art job advertisements. (RTNews) 

Meet the woman who manages a fund with £2.4bn in assets, and who fell into the industry after studying education at a further education college. (Financial Times) 

HSBC is cutting 2,000 commercial banking jobs. (Sky) 

HSBC's investors are all for it moving out of London. (Business Insider) 

Former investment banker becomes chairwoman of Scottish housing group. (Scotsman) 

Six questions that will determine whether you’re ready for CFA Level I. (300 Hours)

Against a financial transactions tax. (Marginal Revolution) 

Adele the pop star is married to an ex-Lehman FX trader. (Daily Mail) 

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